Guess Again

Such a beautiful day outside today and couldn't feel better. Proud of my rant from last night still and I'm still standing by what I say. After some thought two things come to mind. Either people just enjoy the drama or there is a deeper meaning behind some of their antics. If you think its a way of trying to bait me into any sort of retaliation other than verbal disputes. You are sadly sadly mistaken my friends. I'm not so fucking retarded that I would fall into a trap of helping you establish a stupid fucking motive. What fucking planet are you from...again I'm not the one suffering from some type of personal hatred. I applaud those who accomplish whatever your capable of (as far as achieving success in life) and give you props. I don't however think your anything but insecure, melodramatic, and pitiful with your suddle tactics of inuendic expressions. Whether its a strategic method of lame insultivness..trying to invite retaliation of something other than a rise or just your inability to grasp your puny mind around the fact that your emotionally inadequate of taking what you dish out. Again I'm guilty of being a fucking asshole but unfair I am not. State your side of whatever whiny fucking problem you have with whoever you have. I'm not just talking about me here. With the exception of those who have no concept of being just or fair or what it is to appreciate the truth even if you don't like it. There are those who will respect you more if you just resolve it straight up and be straight forward. Maybe you wont continue to engage in a long healthy friendly type of relationship but maybe you establish some sort of respect for one another.

On a different note all together my music has really came along in the last few months. Now when I pick up the guitar. I'm at least able to be innovative on my own, and create my own style of runs ands lead solos. Thanks in part to many hours of youtube tutorials and SRV video study. Hendrix being a heavy influence as well. Still I'm nowhere to being as good as I would like to be and I don't think any musician can ever fully be satisfied. Whenever I think I'm actually accomplishing something I just watch Zack Rosicks's version of while we cry. Doesn't take long to realize that the possibilities are endless on guitar. Still considering I couldn't make a bar chord 6 months or so ago (and didn't want to cause I'm stubborn) I'm happy with how far Ive come.

As far as song writing I'm still very unimpressed with my ability to create any what I consider "real depth" I know theres something to be said for simplicity in lyrics but I grow tired of the same song and dance. It doesn't have to be mind boggling just something different from the norm of what I'm use to writing. A different style but saying the same things in a more charismatic way. Using a larger variety of chords and different melodic tunes. Hendrix was a master at this and his genius seemed to know no bounds. If you want a "God" to believe in folks believe in Hendrix. That would be a definition of amazing.

Just For You

My own personal rant blog site. Ahh yes the feeling of ranting on guilt free now that I've seen the error of my ways in my belief system all these years. Always thinking that Christianity was the way to go and hoping for the best in people. Meh what a load of bullshit!! Give me a fucking break already. So many times id stumble and thought if I truly believed and surrounded myself with these good hearted people. I could make the changes necessary to achieve the type of success that so many of these types seek. Really?? Where the fuck did that turnip wagon go cause I just fell off that mother fucker!! This has been my problem. Watching this type of behavior all these years thinking I should model myself after it? Who the fuck wants to be a part of the family of god if its more corrupt than the average non believer? At least they are not pretending to be something they are not. I was this guy, and I fell for this crap for 30 years till I realized its only because its what I've heard all my life. You cant go out drink,fuck,cuss,smoke,drug, and anything else I've forgot and think your going to the afterlife. I don't give a shit how many prayers you say. I'm all for someone trying to better their self and keeping their morals in line but tone down the hypocrisy. Don't go fucking cheat on your wife or husband then play that holier than holy role with me. You play the fucking game accept your jacket. After all its not the truth people want its perception. Its not what you are its what you want yourself seen as. The ones who are shameless in this world like me who actually cut out the pretending and cut straight to the fucking truth in the heat of an argument. Build a deep seeded hatred in others cause they cant handle it. Its all fun and games till someone steps on your toes then its...What? are you talking to muah? Fuck yes I'm talking to you biaatch!! Did I fucking studder? Don't crawfish with a shitty rumor just to spite me cause you cant handle the truth of  the circumstance. Don't preach to me about karma or shit coming back on me when obviously your so fucked up that you cant see that possibly you fucked up yourself and are paying for it as well? Are you a Goddamn idiot and so egocentric that you cant even consider the possibility? Speak what you think and come out with what you want others to think about your opinion or scandal. To whomever your problem lies with. Don't be a fucking donkey dick sucking piece of shit. Fucking say it!! Don't drop a fucking hint..say it. You think pointing out or completely making something up from thin air is going to fucking over shadow what people already know about you? Heh...most the time the only fucking crime people who tell it like is are guilty of is being labeled an asshole. Then their the target of every self proclaimed "stand up guy or gal" Probably because they have some kind of dirt on them or have said something they didn't fucking like that was probally the truth. I can handle the fucking truth can you? What lie are you covering up? What are you scared people might think or find out? Don't point the finger at the over dramatic booze drinking shit talking asshole. Take a look at yourself mother fucker!! You want to know something fucking ask me? You think you know something fucking tell me!! Pull me to the side one on one and ask or tell. Don't let your jealousy and personal vendetta overwhelm your fucking emotions to the point of lying about it. Or pretending you don't have an issue on your mind. If you have an accusation come with some fucking proof!! Got your feelings hurt by something that was said or supposedly said...fucking say what it was. Theres a fine line between joking and lying I know and if you don't really know me then you probably cant decipher.

I know I'm not the only one that feels this way and sometimes I forget to always stick by this without regard for peoples feelings. But that is the problem now a days is people don't want anything to be in the open they want to say it behind closed doors and think theirs a proper way to say something. Well your Goddamn living room or automobile ain't the fucking place. That persons face should be the place its said to. That way it can be resolved. A goddamn facebook update or message ain't it either. (yes I sometimes get drug into that myself) I hate someone that says.."that was rude you shouldn't have asked them that or told them you heard that" Fucking why? This ain't 1960..fucking rock and roll ain't the devils music anymore. Get out there and stop hiding behind whatever shadow you use to hide yourself. Women are the worst at this shit I must say. I don't think they should be allowed to vote just cause they don't realize logic and reasoning. You cant always go on spite. It doesn't work that way...if your caught your misfortunes aren't mine or anybody else's faults. I'm a fuck up and many other things. You call me one that's true ill give you props for it. Sometimes maybe I wont like it but ill respect you for saying what you think. Being its true and your reaction to my return criticism of you is received with the same enthusiasm. Don't say your not when you know you are. And don't think my mistakes hide your fuck ups from anybody else either. That's all I can come up with to say at this time. Leave me a fucking comment if you dare!!...oh if your going to drop hints..at least be clever and for fucks sake..try an be a lil original. Always using someone elses cliche line of mockery just reveals that your i.q. is less than mine. Oh and if your superior or any better what are you doing wasting your time worried about getting back at me for? Sounds like you may be the one who needs a little more strength from your "God" I'm merely a man and I probably don't even remember pissing you off. But if I did tell me what it was..don't be scared. Don't ruin yourself with depths of hatred or resentment for me. Cause I'm me and your not going to change that. Or whatever happened in the past partners. So id get over whatever ails you and move on. Goddamn Ive finally dealt with my ghosts from the past and I may not walk around like a gloating idiot every day. But for fucks sake I'm not so eat up with envy for the likes of someone of my stature. That its controlling my life. What was probably second nature to me takes you twice the effort and fools you into believing your lies or who the fuck knows. Point is dude/sweetheart that if your day consists of impressing or thinking you are impressing me with any mediocre accomplishment, insult, or whatever else you can cojur up. Your fucking life is more pathetic than mine. Cause im not thinking of you...whoever you are at all. But the attention is flattering and people do tend to want to do these act to people they feel inferior or jeolous of. so I completley understand. for the few that really just like to hate...thats sweet..tell me why cause id love to hear it.

The Best Man Ive Ever Known

The best  man Ive ever known doesn't know he is the best. He unselfishly provides for his family..deserving and not. Never questioning himself if he is able..just always there to do what needs to be done. The best man Ive ever known loves his wife, his kids and especially his grandson. While he has shortcomings he makes them hard to find. Ive known him all my life and can find few. In spite of what nature tries to bestow upon his inherited ways..he always finds the latter. Maybe...his holy spirit watching over him? I don't believe in God but if there is one..this man surly deserves to be with him. Always putting himself last and his kids first its almost unbelievable the lengths he go's to to acquire their happiness. Don't get me wrong they love him already..just he loves to see them smile as in doing something for them he never had the pleasure of knowing as a child. Ive met met few men worthy of mentioning to be genuinely good men. And make no mistake if he wasn't one I wouldn't take the time to type this but he is. He is my father and he is as good as you will find. Many of run in and argument have came our way but never once has he turned from me. While many could say if he did it would be well deserved.

Now that I have my own son I sometimes feel inferior to this man. Knowing that if I could ever be half of what he has for me I would be ahead of the game. At any rate I'm tired and ready for bed. I will continue this later. I guess I should say that he is what ill never be capable of being. Its not from lack of wanting to just some doors arent open to everyone. But im forever greatful and proud that he is my father. Im not ashamed to speak of him in such a manner and nobody should with their fathers either. I dont knw everyones situation but I venture to say if you dig a little you can find some good in anyone. I dont need religion to want to find the good in people.

Ive met few men that I talk of in high regaurd because very few deserve it. A man named Jack Hodges was one though. Another man I cant think of enough good things to say.

How You Know You Lost

This particular blog is just about holding on to your grudges. I use to be guilty of this over the years up until recently actually. Using that for motivation to do better in life just to rub it in whoever's face. For a lot of people the revenge is a recipe for happiness. Till you find that in fact its long term effects are more detrimental than the sweet. If you cant grasp your mind around that concept it will come to you in time. I know for some your about as deep as a bottle of rum left at an A.A. meeting."Not that im deep either" Try an dwell on it for a second though. Geez if I can do it you can.  Reasons being there are things you will hold onto that will stew inside until they effect other aspects of your views on things. Its probably unrealized at whatever state of unawareness your in. Like anything else things of repetition become to be second nature. You think your hurting the one that hurt you? Possibly, but not near as much as yourself. The one who has dealt out your demise more than likely has a short recollection of misfortunes that he/she has caused. Whether it be unintentional or not. You see revenge takes effort. The lack of memory from the perpetrator who is public enemy number one to you. Shows little effort for or concern for the situation at hand. Whatever that maybe. Which in itself means they win. Obviously if its not of importance to them what importance should it be to you? A practice of controlling our emotions is a hard thing to do. Especially for the blood line I was spawned from. But if I can learn to do it. Whether it be through transcendental meditation or goosfraba or prayer. It can be accomplished even for the most passionate of revenge seekers. I mean in divorce who is the one that is hurt the most? What hurts the most? The fact that you lost your heart or your possessions? Or the fact that you cant seem to find an ounce of regret in the X's face or actions? Or is it that he/she has moved on quite easily without you and that makes your skin crawl? Why does it make your skin crawl cause you don't have a way to even the score? No because while your chasing your thoughts and replaying the whole scenario in your head. They aren't!! Plain and simple. Maybe the better they do is just the icing on the cake but the whole idea of them not really showing remorse is more of a kill shot than anything. That's just an example. It doesn't have to be a relationship. There are a wide array of situations it could vary to. Ive started practicing more and more my own methods of self satisfaction exercises. "Ha ha..yeah I know that's wide open" Seriously though. Once it clicks and you get a bead on the actual idea you will find revenge in itself is watching ones plan it and try it. Cause the only one who can cause you pain is you. Yeah there is temporary circumstances that can occur. In the big picture though come on. Even in death there is hope if your heart is where it should be. Think outside the box instead of the immediate alternative to evil bliss. Its short lived and comes as a greater consequence to you than you realize. If achieved by someone of my stature its possible for anyone. It will get to be so that you care less and less and  almost in a way become sympathetic for your culprit..or culprits. Which in itself may become a challenge because their state of idiocracy is so broad that they believe the upper hand belongs to them. When your actually like...Oh were you still?...oh yeah. Your resuming your shallow dive into a pool of hopeless efforts to get back at me. Good luck with that. Ill be watching Sportscenter if you need me. Lol. So hopefully your starting to get the point. In due time it will consume them to the point of calamity. With devastating effects of self inflicted karma. More than likely anyway. Life is about adapting to the circumstances it gives you. Not always fair but its life. Much needed time alone has broadened my horizons on a lot of things. Changed my perception and for the better also. Where one door closes another opens is always the case. You just have to knock sometimes. Keep your mind open and awareness kept in check.

Did You Know

Jimi Hendrix the greatest guitarist and all around musician of all time in my opinion. Possibly second only to the Beatles only because they were first. Years ahead of his time pioneered things on the guitar that can never be recaptured. From his genius lyrics to style of playing etc. Well before I was born this man changed the music world forever. To this day still reaches people with his unique wisdom for embellishing feelings into music. A very hard thing to accomplish. Yet not that much different from me and you. Born without the extra luxuries in life battled his way with music to be the greatest music icon of all time. I read how his mother was an alcoholic and apparently showed little interest in him as a child. How from a very early age his yearning for guitar became almost unbearable. In watching footage of him its not to hard to realize from his demeanor that he was shy. At least in a one on one kind of serious topic kinda way. Which I think was why his music was so greatly expressed when he played. He was comfortable on stage or whenever he was playing music. Funny how many said he always seeked a sense of approval from society. How he would push the envelope in whatever the challenge might be." Example" If you thought 50 decimals was loud he would go 60. Get the point?  Never realizing he would ultimately set the standard for every wanna be guitarist in the world. Setting the bar so high in fact it will never again be reached. Maybe copied but never as unique. All to often there are comparisons to Stevie Ray Vaughan. I don't compare cause they are both truly great in their own way. Besides if you understand music and history at all. Then you would know that Jimi cant be outdone cause he did things first. That's nobodies fault or mean that anymore musicians cant be as good. Just an unbreakable record. Like Tony Dorsetts 99 yard run from scrimmage. Cant be broke because you cant go any farther from scrimmage and he did it first. Some maybe able to run that distance faster and look more flamboyant doing it. Still..you get the point I hope. Hendrix to me is just a very interesting character. If you know anything about music then you would agree. Sure there are downfalls to him cause like us he was very much human. His drunken woman abusing antics and run ins with the law don't take away from anything he did musically. Despite popular belief he wasn't even well liked or popular. Often shutout and ignored by society. Lucky for him being cool by worldly standards awards you no points in the area of talent. Which makes him as we like to say "Cool" The same could be said for Stevie Ray Vaughan if you know anything of his persona. Not exactly Mr.Suave. Like a Tom Brady or someone."Not taking anything away from Brady cause every guy would like to be him for a day". Just saying those aren't the characteristics that were a part of Stevie's and Jimi's mystique.Which added all the more influence behind their playing. Both great musicians. Both died early,alone,and before their time. Great art in music is not achieved through Hollywood persona's and easy lifestyles of living. If all you have ever known is the sweet than you could never relate to the sour. Acceptance and rebellion go hand in hand sometimes. For Jimi I think acceptance was achieved not only through musical talent, but through his rebellious behavior. Which in its own way makes me appreciate life on a whole different level. I just like to take the time to remember this legend. Even though I'm from a generation of music that's well..is something to be desired. Some good but eh. For the true musicians out there you get it I know. Music greats like Jimi keep us humble in our own little achievements in music. At the same time inspire the will to express through music what life didn't give us in social skills. Whether its in a lyric or bent guitar strings,piano,drum set,saxophone or whatever instrument or melody you prefer. Thanks to all the greats we were able to learn from!!

Funny How Things Change

As my views on this topic have drasticlly changed. Im retracting statments made in this. Due to my own personal struggles with the religion issues.

The Blues

Blues"Social ,and economic, and somewhat spiritual. As in relation to man kinds loneliness. The term blues derived from an African American man named W.C. Handy somewhere around 1903. After writing a song called "Yellow Dog Blues" the term Blues became popular. Yellow Dog being the name of the Yazoo and Mississippi Valley Railroad. Eventually adopting elements similar to Ragtime. Later bringing on the infamous 12 bar blues role. W.C. went on to write "Memphis Blues" around the time of 1912. The so called father of the Blues went on to bridge the gap of Blues,Ragtime,and Jazz. The growth of the Blues went on into the later years of the 1920's. Where at that time female singers got into the mix of things. Both Country and Blues started becoming popular with record company's around this time.                                         "Information From Wikipedia"                                          Personally I have a great respect for the founders of the Blues. As I can relate to a lot of the lyrics. I think we all can to a certain extent. Staying humble in the face of despair. These men and women managed through the years to share feelings and bless us with their talent. As it has evolved on down through the years the root of the Blues is the same. Country music having striking similarities to the blues also has had a lot of influence on me through the years. There was much more to the history of the Blues. I only used bits and pieces in my blog. Just to give you an idea of what the Blues are about and where they come from. Everyone has their own Blues. Different degree's and different problems. The beauty of music is the same song can have several different meanings to different audiences. To you it says one thing to someone else another. Theres no set rule on that. Life on a daily basis gives us all the material in the world for the Blues. Its all in how you decide to accept it. There has to be some sacrifice from for the hard lived life. Maybe some by choice maybe not. Meaning maybe your choice of lifestyle is what led to your material. Or maybe you never had a choice. You just played the hand life dealt you. Nobody knows what struggles you have had. You cant measure your pain with someone else's either. Pain is pain no matter what your own personal scale is. That's where you will find healing in your own music. For me it comes and go's. Everyone gets their turn. To me its easy to be confident when every things going good. But to maintain when your at a low is what makes up your character. For some you become accustom to this way of living. You see I think everyone has their own calling in life. For some its a steady job working where your dad did. Raising a family on a couple acres with a white picket fence. Never venturing or questioning what else could have been out there. Never taking risks or chancing a loss. That's safe and a lot of people find happiness in that. Ive been there and found happiness in it myself at one time. Wife,kids, and a dog. Little house your average Joe job doing what I could for them to get by. As fate would have it with several other contributing factors. That didn't last. Partly my fault and partly not. Honest fact is even in those moments I couldn't help wondering if that was all there was to life. I mean I love my son more than anything and I'm thankful God blessed me with him. I just think for some of us that restless feeling never go's away. Which in turn leads to more events in life that give us great songwriting material. Seems as soon  as things are good "or what others call good" I get bored . Anyone else ever feel like that? These times usually make for a great story the next day...or however long it would take to find your way home. While laughing with your friends at wherever your drunken journey took you. Its probably left you in way worse shape than what you thought you were in to begin with. But you have your stories and memories. While they probably enjoyed their casual social evening  evening of little excitement. That's ok to each their own. Just know that for those of us who never tame that wondering feeling of restlessness. It comes with great sacrifice as I mentioned earlier. Sure you will think about what might have been and wonder what it might have been like if you hadn't taken that chance. Swallowed your pride and allowed yourself to be consumed by whatever play it safe honorable take the high road type of behavior. Or you will live with your actions of not. Many of our great musical legends died early deaths just for that very type of behavior. But they shared something with us that lives on to this very day. Their story's they told in their music. From Blues to Country and all other genre's of music. That's what makes it life. For some of us that's what makes the Blues so therapeutic. No ill never know the feeling of an ordinary life or what most would call normal. But most wont ever get to experience the great times and extreme adventures Ive had either. The clarity that came with each of these choices is that while they may cost you by worldy standards great consequence. The decision not to came with an even greater one.For some of us its the only way to know were still alive. In the end there is no normal life....there is only life.Thats just my opinion though. Till next time. Stay musical